Best pick-up line...

...Ever.

Background first.

I once sort of dated a guy who only dated red heads and strawberry blondes. I qualified for his specific hair criteria and we started sort of seeing each other.

One night, we both were out at a party with my roommates and our mutual friends. (I don't know how it happened but my group of girlfriends were all "dating" a group of guy friends. It made date night easy.) Anyways, we are at this party...

Everybody is playing corn hole and somebody made bbq (this is the south!) and there was music and dancing and lots of fun to be had. My man friend drank a little bit too much. He had a pretty small frame and couldn't really drink a lot. I didn't drink anything that night because 1. I was under 21 and didn't really drink much at this time (if you were one of my roommates shut up... I know there was that oooone time you forced shots down my throat and then sent me to bed almost immediately after. jerks. love you, though :) )and 2. I knew someone was going to need a DD that night... just had a feeling.

At this point in our "fake dating relationship" I wasn't really feeling it anymore. I had started to move on to another guy. I have been told I am awful at dating. This is true. I think I'm great at relationships, but actually getting there is a serious struggle for me.

So my fake boyfriend needed a ride... And who does everybody point to? Me. Duh. Of course. Does my fake boyfriend want to go? Not really. He is making a bit of a fool out of himself and I couldn't let him do that. I knew how to get him home, but I didn't want to do it, yet knew I had to. I used my female sneakiness.

"If I drive you home, there is a 50% chance I'll let you kiss me"

He took the bait. Jumped in the car and made me book it to his place.

I never got out of the car, never kissed him. I am an awful fake girlfriend.

Interestingly enough, I have used that line again and it always works. Drunk guys are not always the smartest...

Anyways, we are in the car and before he leaves he says...

"I'll never get tired of counting the freckles on your face."

A Different Valentine's...

I can't believe I had forgotten about this Valentine's Day... temporary loss of memory.

My freshman year of college I was dating this guy who was a junior. He was an interesting boyfriend. One of the few guys I have dated for longer than 2 months.

Valentine's Day was just around the corner and me and my guy were hanging out all the time. ALL THE TIME. I am glad that when we broke up I still had some friends who stuck by me during all the times I flaked on them... I think they knew I was more than a little lost and just had to find my way back to, well, single.

Anyways, Valentine's is coming up and I am at his place when suddenly I start feeling really sick. He actually got mad at me because I told him I didn't feel well when I was leaving and I should have told him sooner so he wouldn't get near me... Clearly true love.

The next morning (day before Valentine's Day) I woke up with a swollen throat, no voice, and overall cruddy feeling. I had strep throat.

Guess who got it next?

Valentine's morning, he had to wait for the 6am doctor at our school who diagnosed him with strep as well.

He was soooo mad at me. It wasn't like I gave it to him on purpose. And truthfully, I had it way worse than he did. I was sicker for much longer than him.

Now that we are no longer on any form of speaking terms, I think that was one of the best Valentine's Day gifts I have ever given.

Valentine's Day

I'm going to talk about probably one of the greatest dates I have ever been on. But I need to give some background first...

January 1, 2009, my aunt died in an accident. I was pretty close to my aunt (only niece she saw frequently) and her son is like my second big brother.

My cousin was dating a girl at the time who I became friends with and about this same time, my cousin's roommate started asking about me.

Eventually, we went on a first date- which poor guy, consisted of trivia night with my cousin (his roomie), my dad, and my uncle. A few of his friends were there as well, but definitely not a solo date.

The next day, Valentine's Day, a huge group of us were at my aunt's cleaning the place up and organizing. It was a huge team efforts. A bunch of cousins, cousin's girlfriend's, friends, parents, they were all over working with us. It was just this huge outpouring of love and help.

My cousin's roommate was there and he was kind of giving me the eye but we were both really busy and he was outside working in the rain while I worked inside with the girls.

My parents had decided to go to a really nice restaurant that night and felt bad for me because I didn't get asked to go out by this guy, so they invited me.

While driving home, it was decided to invite my cousin and his girlfriend who obviously agreed.

About thirty minutes later, my mom thought, well we should maybe invite his roommate, too.

So our party of 3 grew to 5 and then to 6.

We all met up that night looking very nice and my date had bought me flowers and my cousin's girlfriend had brought me and my mom flowers, as well. The server put them in the back for us because we had so many!

After dinner, my cousin + girlfriend, me + date, met up at the bowling alley with another cousin and his girlfriend (they are married now). We played teams and it was so fun to go cosmic bowling in our really nice outfits.

That night was probably one of the best dates I have been on. It's nice to have a really close family and be able to do stuff like that and not have the entire night be awkward. I think if it's ever awkward with my family, it won't work out... especially because I really do have some of the coolest parents.

It didn't work out but it's okay. We still hang out occasionally... with lots of family around, usually.

I told my friends I would write about the good, bad, ugly, and awkward. This one falls under good. Duh.

Oh, and later on, the guy said he didn't ask me to dinner that night because the dinner my parents invited me to was way better than anything he would've been able to give. I told him I still would've said yes, but apparently he would've felt bad.

Little town... What a quiet village...

I have previously mentioned that I live in a little town. I actually live in a big city and go to my small college town 45 minutes away, often. And that town has my heart and will forever be my home.

Whenever going out on the town, I frequently have to remember that I will most likely run into just about everyone I want to see, and a lot of people I don't want to see.

One time I walked to a little boutique and saw my ex-boyfriend (who I refuse to speak to) walking towards me. I literally turned the other way and started walking the other way. Turns out he still lives in town after graduating two years earlier AND lives about two miles from my condo in college... and less than a mile away from my senior workplace. Guess who ended up seeing him driving all the time?

I love this little town, but sometimes, it is just too small for comfort. It's great that everyone knows your name but... EVERYONE knows your name.

There have been many instances where I have walked out of bars due to people who I have a special past with. Mostly boys.

On St.Patrick's Day, one guy who was a huge jerk to me and I haven't spoken to in about seven months, tries to talk to me. I gave him the meanest look I could muster up (I probably looked like an idiot) and walked away. I did my best to put a brave face on, but it isn't always easy.

I have added another person to the list this week, sadly. It looked like we could have been friends- and really it'd be best if we were because one of my best friends is his friend.

If you're reading this... you've been deleted from my phone completely.

I'm sorry we couldn't be friends, but you threw all your escapades in my face knowing that I had a crush on you. Don't worry- the feelings are long gone, mister.

I'm sure I will run into you many times... we go to the same places and are friends with the same people. I didn't have to tell those girls you were hitting on that you were a nice guy last weekend... but I did.

You are a nice guy. Just not to me.

Latest Discovery on Boys&Girls

I don't know how this just occurred to me after 23 years on this planet, but some guys are like most girls in their dating patterns.

I have dated many awful guys. I've also dated some gems, but a lot of digging through the dirt to find them.

It should also be noted that I have really only had two "facebook official" boyfriends... You know it's official. And then one two week boyfriend in high school- that doesn't really count, though. We were fifteen.

So just a few real boyfriends, but I've "dated", "talked," "hung out" with my fair share of guys. A lot of them were just jerks. No clue why I stuck around with most of them.

I have a great family, awesome big brother and older male cousins. I swear that my guy cousins on my dad's side didn't realize I was a girl until I was 17. All these guys treat me well and are pretty protective of me. Why in the world did I date such awful guys with such great examples like them? (If any of you cousins or big brother are reading this, don't get a big ego...)

But that's just the way some girls are hardwired to be. And apparently, some guys are too.

My friend explained it to me this way: Why date someone awesome who may let you down when you can just set yourself up for failure and expect it the whole time?

I get that.

But I always thought this was a girl thing... until recently.

I am going to say this as humbly as I can- I am a really nice person. I am not saying this in any exaggerated way. This also means that I get this type of phrase,

"You are so nice. You're going to be great for someone one day.. See that hot girl over there? What do you think?"

So annoying.

All you boys that say you want a nice girl, you do EXACTLY what us girls do. Set yourself up for failure with the hottie with either ZERO personality or is not very nice.

I have done this many times.

The whole package deal would be great, though.

Attractive, good personality, successful.

This really shouldn't be that hard... but 23 years of experience has taught me differently.

Gingerbread Commentary

I have full permission to tell this. I asked the guy. Because those of you who follow this know me and will most likely know him... so I definitely needed to ask.

This is just an awkward "dating" story. I don't even know what to call what we were doing.

I have this guy friend who is a year younger than me and we went to the same college. We were really good friends and we basically told each other anything and everything. And I mean anything and everything.

We kind of got to this point where we thought, "hey, this person is kind of cute" (okay, I got to that point but I won't speak for him).

We started hanging out all the time and going to midnight movies and walking around town late at night (very small, safe city). We were always together.

Oh... and he is a ginger as well. What a special pair we made.

There is a big celebration in our little town called Nights of Lights. On a night in November, the mayor gives this big speech and the kid's choir sings and the whole town comes out. The finale is when someone turns on a switch and literally lights the whole town up with little white lights. The best place to stand is in the dark plaza with all the trees because the whole place literally lights up.

Anyways, so we are at Nights of Lights with this couple who is madly in love with each other or something. We are walking around town and the ginger commentary begins.

"Are you guys going to live in a gingerbread house? Maybe make some gingerbread cookies with your ginger kids?"

"Ahhhh, you two are on fire!"

"Don't get hit by a car or you'll be flat like the gingerbread man!"

It kept going. And going.

I should also point out that at this stage in my life I was very not touchy feely. At all. Hugs were rare for my poor ginger friend during this awkward phase we were in. The pictures we have together are some of the most awkward pictures, ever.

We went ice skating another night and he tried to hold my hand to support himself and I loudly yelled, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I'm sure he got some awesome looks from the kids nearby.

But he was used to this. Anytime he'd brush up against me I would push him. Literally push him. Actually, I still do that to him.

I have no clue how we are still friends.

So while this does not really fall under bad date category, it certainly falls under awkward. And he agrees.

This was how I asked him if I could write this via text

Do you mind if I write abt our awkward dating situation two years ago on my blog? I promise I won't say anything bad abt you. Pinky promise.

- Sure but I thought we werent dating according to you.

Exactly my point...

Let's dig deeper...

... into that first blind date I went on.

The guy seemed pretty legit. We had emailed back and forth and I should have known when he said he had an app on his phone to get match emails that this was going to be bad. But I disregarded it thinking it was normal.

We planned on meeting at a book store where he said he'd be wearing a blue-green shirt and I'd wear a big black headband with a black shirt. I thought I saw him when I walked in but his short was more of a faded greyish color with the slightest color blue. I walked past him- in my black shirt and headband and made eye contact and that was when I knew I should have just walked out. He didn't pick up that it was me.

I wanted to walk out. I knew it was him. But I didn't. So I walked back to him five minutes later and he is staring at the door while holding a random book. I introduced myself and barely got a handshake out of him.

I quickly say that I'm starving... I want this to start and end quickly!

We walk to a Japanese house and order and the conversation is barely hanging on. It wasn't even conversation. We had nothing in common. He kept asking question after question after question. I think he has done this before because he had a full non stop list of questions. I tried asking him questions but I got him to say about two sentences about himself.

It was when he told me the craziest thing his roommate has done to him- asked him to teach him how to drive his car that I'm guessing was a stick shift- that I knew I had definitely picked a dud.

Now, I'm not super adventurous or crazy or wild- but I know how to have a good time and still have some pretty crazy stories about stuff I've done with my friends. Picking a friend up and helping them drive their car... Not really that bold on the crazy scale.

The waiter, sensing my fear probably, kept coming to our table and gave us the bill as quickly as possible. It was the fastest dinner I have ever had.

We get the bill and this guy wants to walk around. I said, "Let me check in with my parents; they went out tonight and I'm not sure how much they've drank... We're Catholic." This was at 8pm. The date started at 7pm.

I manage to get a hold of mom who quickly sends me a fake drunk text and then fake drunk dials me.

Sadly, I had to end the date due to my Catholic families antics. As I'm quickly trying to end this thing he goes...

"So, can I call you?"

I respond this way...

Cough. Shrug. Clear throat. "I mean... I guess if you really want to you can."

Date over- 8:30

I said bye. No handshake. Definitely no hug. And practically sprinted to my car and then drove and got some wine and drank with my parents.

My parents friend gave me these words of advice as we sat around the table that night:

"Beauty is only skin deep. But ugly is to the bone."

This is my shallow side.

How did I get here?

23 years old.

Strawberry hair.

Definitely not fat but not really that skinny. I'd go with average more thin side though.

5'6 in height.

White with freckles on my face.

Don't smoke.

Social drinker.

Catholic faith.

Wants kids. But not now.

Pre-k aid.

College education.

You'd think that with those stats I could find someone in this great big world. But I can't.

Wait, let's rephrase that. I can't find this guy:

23-28 years old.

Not overweight.

Taller than me.

Doesn't smoke.

Not an alcoholic but can have a drink.

Some sort of faith- preferably a Christian of sorts.

Wants kids- doesn't have them now.

Has a job.

Has a degree.

This is not that hard, I don't think! And yet... single for over a year with no prospects in sight.

I have ventured into the online dating.

I had my first blind date last night. Here's how it went...

I had my mom fake drunk dial me and ask for a ride to get me out of the date. I had only been with this guy on the town for just over an hour. I think the waiter sensed my distress because we got our food incredibly quickly.

Word to the wise for every person trying online dating- if they don't have a picture of a close up of their face, THERE IS A REASON.

The sad thing is, there was a face picture of this guy... but I thought it was a joke.

I'll keep you posted on how this goes. And in dry spells- I'll tell you about other dates in the past. Some awesome, some ridiculous.

Last night's wins the award for worst date. But at least I can laugh about it. Soooooo funny.